Prisoner in My Own Body: My Battle with Hyperemesis Gravidarum
“It’ll be over by 12 weeks, you’ll be fine.”
“Just eat some crackers and ginger ale.”
“Just eat small meals and eat more often.”
These are just some of the small tokens of advice women are often given in the early days of pregnancy, when the symptoms of morning sickness start to set in. For most, this advice will suffice. A few Preggie Pops here, a cracker and some ginger chews there, and before you know it you’re out of the first trimester and in the clear. Belly rubs, nursery decor, and baby names galore! Those bouts of nausea are a thing of the past, and well worth the reward of planning for and welcoming your brand new baby.
This was almost me while pregnant with my daughter. Although my morning sickness leaned toward more severe and lasted well into my 20th week, I was able to kiss those days goodbye and quickly forgot all about them when my baby fever for number two hit fast and furious.
Fast forward to today. I sit here in my 20th week of pregnancy (surprise, if you didn’t know already!) and I have Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I was diagnosed at 9 weeks when my body finally said “NOPE” and I ended up in the emergency room. 11 grueling weeks later and I am what many in the HG (Hyperemesis Gravidarum) community affectionally call “medicated fluffy”. In other words, I am functioning strictly due to the glorious existence of modern medicine. A statement I do not take lightly, as I tend to be one that prefers homeopathy and holistic methods of caring for my body. But that’s the thing. I am battling HG. And it does not give a flying you know what about how I prefer to care for my body. It doesn’t give a flying you know what about my life or my baby. As a matter of fact, this ugly disease is perfectly content with me spending DAYS at a time, immobile, dehydrated, starving, retching in a heap on my bathroom floor. It could care less that I have an incredibly active and mischevous little 21 month old that needs 100% of me, 100% of the time. My husband, house, dog, friends, family? It laid waste to those a long time ago. I’ve been hospitalized for dehydration and malnutrition so bad that it took 3 bags of fluid just to be able to go to the bathroom. I lost 15 pounds before we could even tell close family we were expecting. I take vomiting medication made for chemotherapy patients that constipates me so badly I have to take 362 other things to avoid a hospital visit for impacted bowels. I live in a constant state of exhaustion because the drugs that allow me to eat and drink and care for my daughter, have side effects that force me to live in an endless fog.
Want to know what’s crazy? Where I stopped myself and my little pity parade dead in its tracks? My case isn’t as severe as it could be. HG looks different for every woman. But the worst part is that it is so understudied, underestimated, an undiagnosed that women like me all over the world struggle to obtain quality care for their condition, and that of their unborn babies. As a part of an unbelievable support group for HG sufferers and survivors, I’ve learned an immense amount of information about it. But I’ve also learned that we desperately need some serious consideration and activism. So here I am on my lowly little blog, trying to raise some awareness. The pity parade ends here.
Here’s what you need to know:
- Hyperemesis Gravidarum, by definition, is a debilitating and potentially life-threatening pregnancy disease marked by rapid weight loss, malnutrition, and dehydration due to unrelenting nausea and/or vomiting with potential adverse consequences for the mom-to-be and the newborn(s).
2. It is not just “bad morning sickness”. Ask any HG sufferer or survivor how comparing their condition to morning sickness makes them feel and you’re likely to see enough middle finger emojis to last you a lifetime. Seriously. Morning sickness is part of the pregnancy package, affecting nearly 85% of all pregnant people. In contrast, only 1-2% have to contend with HG.
3. Hospitalization is not uncommon. Neither are PICC lines, Zofran or Reglan pumps, and home health care complete with daily visits from a nurse to administer IV fluids and antiemetics. While I wasn’t able to escape hospitalization and narrowly avoided being admitted, many women need constant medical care and attention to manage their HG so as to stay healthy enough to keep down fluids and food.
4. It does not end after the first trimester! Many with HG suffer for the duration of their pregnancies, noting that symptoms end upon delivery. Some of the luckier ones report a diminishing in the severity of their symptoms by week 20-21.
5. This disease kills people, and if it doesn’t it brings many to the brink of death. I know women who have suffered cardiac arrest, organ failure, and severe malnutrition. I know women who have been forced to terminate their pregnancies to save their own lives. It is not a joke and it needs more attention!
So while I do not write this as a request for sympathy or pity, I implore you to be gentle with your pregnant friends and family members on this topic in the early days. Not every sickness symptom can be written off as “par for the course”. And certainly don’t brush off those of us that are suffering so deeply as prisoners of our own bodies. So many of us suffer in silence because it is a condition that is unfamiliar and misunderstood by so many. It is an incredibly lonely and isolating place to live during what is supposed to be such an exciting and hopeful time. Some of us are grappling with the ability to connect with our pregnancies, our babies, and the not-so-mutually shared excitement of friends and family. It’s not personal, it’s just HARD.
If this is something new to you, I encourage you to do a little research. Learn a little more about it. And help spread the word so that women can start getting the adequate and necessary care they need to win their battles with HG and bring their healthy babies earthside!
Interested in learning more and supporting the Hyperemesis Gravidarum community?
Check out: www.helpher.org
