My Birth Journey: Part 2
Oh hey. You thought I was gone for good didn’t you? Well, I’ve crammed a lot of life into the last few months which left very little time for blogging. But more on that later. Without further ado (sorry), I’d like to share part two of my birth story!
While I won’t get into the thick of how I navigated my pregnancy here, I do want part two to expand on how I prepared for the unmedicated delivery of my daughter. Since her birth back in March, I’ve been asked countless times how I came to the decision on having a natural birth, how I prepared for it, and how it went. Still one of my favorite things to discuss, so here we go!
For the purposes of this discussion, and others moving forward, I will refer to unmedicated delivery as “natural” in the sense that it is the natural way that our bodies would perform without intervention. Because “unmedicated delivery” is a mouthful and I’m the perpetually tired mother of an infant, ok?
There were 3 very important aspects of how I prepared for and ultimately achieved a natural childbirth:
- Expanding my knowledge of natural childbirth
- Building my birth team
- Committing to it spiritually and emotionally.
For me, I could not have one without the other. Each of these was an integral part of the entire equation by playing its own unique role. Expanding my knowledge came first, which encouraged me to build my birth team, and that ultimately led me to my spiritual and emotional commitment to the task at hand.
Full disclosure: As I mentioned in Part I of my Birth Journey, I was all “gimme the epidural” before I went “granola” on everyone. So when I decided that I wanted a natural childbirth, I knew I was going to need to take a class of some kind.
Cue the eye roll.
Yes, there are people who teach you how to have babies.
More eye rolls.
I just wasn’t prepared to “hoo-hoo-heeeeee” all the way to the delivery room. It didn’t help that once I had chosen a midwifery practice to see me through my pregnancy and delivery, I had to meet with the resident OB first. His thoughts on the natural childbirth crowd?
“Those are the folks that don’t invite you to their picnic if you get the drugs. They’re just kinda… intense.”
GREAT. Now I have to be one of them if I’m ever going to do this.
Needless to say, I got over it. And now I am one of them. And we’re not all intense or judgey, and YES you can come to the picnic if you get the drugs. Because you birthed a baby and you’re a bad ass just for that. Moving on…
After I perused a few different natural childbirth techniques I ultimately chose to go with The Bradley Method. The most “intense” of them all, according to many. Whatever. It was awesome thanks to an amazing instructor who isn’t afraid to tell it like it is and ensures that we all find some humor in what we’re facing. Because how many terrified faces has she looked at in her years of teaching? Enough to know that you have to be able to laugh in the face of your fear, and learn enough to know that there’s nothing to be scared of! (Thanks Carrie, you gorgeous soul, you! I see you girl!)
Bottom Line? Learn, learn, learn. Understand your body and what it does during pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Help your husband understand how to coach and support you by being an active participant in the process. Prepare yourself with the black and white of labor and quit employing my favorite coping mechanism: avoidance. Absorb the idea that your body was legit made to labor life into this world. Let it sink in. And then find the right team of people to help you do it. And read Ina May Gaskin’s Guide to Childbirth. It’s life changing. BOOM. Done. Next?
So how did I go about building my birth team you ask? Although I believed very much in my body’s ability to do the damn thing, as you read above my commitment in mind and soul came a little farther down the road. So I figured I needed to have all of the educated and emotional support I could fit into a tiny labor and delivery room.
Husband? Check.
Nurses and midwives? Check.
Those were the givens. Who else?
Mom? She’s done this before and she loves me even when I’m really mean to her. Check.
Ok, so what about someone with some real know-how?
Enter the doula. I wish I could put that word in gold glittery letters that sparkle in your face while simultaneously making you feel all kinds of feelings that are good and warm and fuzzy. Because that’s how I feel about doulas and the amazing, selfless work that they do.
Nicki, Nicki. Where do I begin with my beloved doula, Nicki. I struggle to consolidate my thoughts on having a doula present at my birth because I am so immensely grateful, amazed, and inspired by the work that they do. So much so, that I have decided to become one myself. More on that exciting development later!
The long and short of my decision to add a doula to my birth team is this: your doula wants you to have the birth of your dreams. And sometimes there are things that can get in the way of that, whether it’s hospital personnel or your own mental struggle. I knew that my doula’s goal and duty to me was to ensure that I had the birth I wanted, regardless of what that looked like. She wouldn’t cave to my painful pleas for drugs (husband) or let me talk myself and everyone else in the room into doing things a new way (Mom). She wouldn’t present me with options that she knows I wouldn’t want (nurses or doctors). What she would do is know my birth plan inside and out and come equipped with a wealth of birth knowledge, experience, and tools to help support and encourage me to achieve the goal I had set for myself. PRICELESS. Ugh I could just go on and on. Bottom line? I 100% could not have done it without her. (Nicki there are no wordsssss. So much love.)
OK. Birth team assembled. I guess we’re doing this, huh? Preparation to deliver tiny human out of tiny, er… space.. commence!
I’ve shared my birth story with many an inquisitor. And when asked what was the single most significant piece to the puzzle? My answer: Commitment. You can educate yourself. You can say you want to. You can actually really want to. You can hire a doula. You can read all the books. But I’m telling you right now, if you do not commit yourself and everyone around you to the challenge both mentally and emotionally? Not gonna happen. All you need is to leave room enough for a little bit of doubt or fear and it will quickly take over in a moment of weakness. And during labor there are many!
Let’s speak to the bolded phrase for a moment: and everyone around you. When I asked my husband what stood out to him the most about my commitment to my goal, he said that I made sure to talk about it to everyone who so much as uttered a word about my birth plan. Subconsciously I believe it was a way of establishing a level of accountability for myself, but what he saw was me holding my ground despite open opposition from whoever was comfortable enough to cast fear or doubt in my direction. Usually this is disguised as, “Oh I know someone who wanted to deliver naturally. She got the drugs.” or “Yea, so and so had a birth plan too, those never work out.” And if someone is really brazen they’ll share some horror story with you that either they or someone they know experienced. Because apparently people love to see the look on a pregnant woman’s face when told what a 12lb baby can do to her vagina. I digress. TELL EVERYONE. Not only will it force you to verbalize your commitment over and over, but it will establish accountability and further deepen your dedication to your ultimate objective.
I knew it was going to be hard. I understood that it was going to be a mentally and emotionally exhausting experience. I read and heard all about how painful it was going to be. As a first time expectant mother, I was enveloped in uncertainty and doubt. But you know what that breeds? Fear. Fear will 100% without a shadow of a doubt destroy your chances at a natural delivery if that is what you want. The preparation of the mind is what allowed me to let it go, and that is what you have to do. Read, understand, and listen – and let it go.
